When we was preparing for his arrival, we have never thought of getting breast pump, breast padding, nursing bra, whatever that have link with breast. Best part is I have never even read up about breastfeeding article.

I’ve never asked any Mommies about breastfeeding as well.

Honestly, I kind of forget about breastfeeding thing.

So after giving birth to Fay, nurse asked me if I want to breastfeed my son.

Okay there you go….. I was….. lost, confuse and don’t even know what to do. The nurse saw my antic face and she was like “It’s okay we will give him formula first. Later we will bring him again. And you can feed him.”

Okay. I totally stop thinking about it.

Nurse came again with Fay since my in laws was there visiting me. She asked me the same question. And I literally told her that “I don’t know how?” She was nice and helped me out.

My milk supply wasn’t there yet. (I was suppose to give birth on the 24th but we was there on the 19th. And lactation lady is only available on weekdays. We was there on Saturday night) The nurse kind of explain to me about all this milk supply. Imagine I was high on gas mask and with the remaining epidural numbness.

I wasn’t even concentrate. So she let me rest and Fay had formula milk the whole night as they know I need plenty of rest after c-sect.

The next day…  

People come over to visit and asking me how am I feeling. And there you go Fay was crying, wanting his milk. One of Firman’s friend help me with latching but failed. Called nurse and she introduce to me nipple shield. And it’s still fail….

I swear to god, i was at the verge of giving up…

So Fay had formula milk 2 days in a row. Fine. I’m not that particular about it. As long his tummy is full with milk. We are okay.

The next day(Monday). Discharge day. The day I’ve been waiting. Lactation lady came in to visit. And she massage my breast. Surprisingly with her hands, my milk literally squirt out. I was…. amazed! So she taught me how to massage and when my breast got engorged continue to pump and pat it with warm towel.

So I was happy that I have my milk supply. So while Firman went to pay the hospital bills, I asked Sheril to help me buy nipple shield. I might need it for feeding Fay.

Come home and Fay was crying and crying and cry. I was going mad, I massage my breast and tried latching him with and without the nipple shield and he still crying!!! How pissed can I get.

Yes. 3rd day I’m already pissed. Firman have to run down to the nearest store to get breast pump and milk formula.

While waiting all I can do is just try and continue to try and continue.

Once Firman is back he make formula milk and feed Fay. While Fay is sleeping, all I was doing was…. pumping and pumping and pumping.

That was my routine every time when Fay is asleep. It was tiring to be honest. But I am lucky enough that Fay is fine with formula milk as well.

Once everything was settle. I read all the article about breastfeeding. Tried latching with and without nipple shield and Fay doesn’t seems to get the milk. All I can do is just pump and transfer it to his milk bottle.

We stop nipple shield, we stop latching. I let him have it his ways.

Had my afternoon nap and I was awake. Came to realize my breast was leaking! I am lucky enough Firman’s friend gave breast padding to me like 2 boxes of that. What a life, top and bottom leaking. Ugh! How bf Mommies survive with this?

Confinement is done. And my milk supply was getting very very low. I was super upset. Told Firman about it and he said “It’s okay. It’s time for you to get more rest.” So exactly 1 month Fay stop getting breastmilk. And he continue with Nan pro formula milk till now.

Alhamdulila, amin.

All I can say, from all these mistakes I learned that. Don’t take things lightly. Even the smallest thing is actually a big thing for your child. So learn whatever you need to. Read up as much as you can. Ask if you know nothing.

Breastfeeding is hard. It was pretty intense and stressful. But with your husband or whoever support. Everything is gnna be fine. Even if it’s not fine let everything out from your heart to someone. Someone who cares about you. Post natal blues are always there to haunt you down. So don’t keep it to yourself. It will hurt you more and kill you more deeper.


Few weeks old
Milk intake: bm and fm.


6 month old
Milk intake: fm and some solid foods (vegetables and fruits)

As long you are healthy, Mummy and Daddy is happy!



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